After a break up can be quite a confusing time. Though a break up may be hard on both sides, it’s an extremely emotional time for the partner who was let go. Getting your heart broken is never easy, and it’s natural to go a little bonkers when hearing the news that your girlfriend now prefers to be your ex girlfriend.
That’s why the rules of no contact after a break up was created, and no contact is a great approach to moving on from your ex girlfriend or boyfriend. However, these no contact rules are also an important part to the strategy of getting back together with an ex also.
A lot of people don’t understand the psychology of getting back an ex. Their mindset is too entrenched on what logic and society tells them. Many wont believe the psychology of no contact until they actually make all the beginning mistakes and realize what they’re doing isn’t working. So I’m going to get into the psychology behind these rules to no contact, and why it’s important in terms of healing after a break up.
Denial After The Break Up
One of the first things people feel is denial that they’re girlfriend or boyfriend is rejecting them. It’s a natural reaction to our egos and pride, but many hold onto this denial for a long, long time. This is extremely harmful to your emotional well-being, your self confidence, and your over-all view of your own self-worth.
Denial will cause most to make many ill-fated attempts to try to persuade their ex that breaking up with them was the wrong thing to do. This leads to all sorts of craziness and can lead to harassing your ex as well. Repeated texts, calls, voice messages will only push your ex further from you. Put yourself in their shoes for a minute, and you’ll see that these actions are just plain annoying.
You will need to come to grips with the fact that your relationship with your ex is over. You’ll need to start the grieving the process, and it’s okay to grieve. You need to get your emotions out and accept the loss.
That’s why it’s vital that you distance yourself from your ex as much as possible. Drop off her or his radar. Disappear from their world for a while so you can get yourself together and heal from the break up. Accept it and let go. If they truly ever loved you or belonged to you they’ll come back.
If they don’t come back then you’ll already be moving forward with your life. I know this from personal experience. I was well on my way to moving on. I was having fun and dancing with a few friends at a night club in San Jose when my ex girlfriend texted me. It had been a little more than a month of no contact, but I was already moving forward with my life.
Before you venture into the no contact rule with ex, you have to realize that no contact is not a one size fits all tactic. Sometimes, you wont be able to use no contact if you have to keep in contact with your ex in some form. This includes:
1. You have kids together.
2. You work or go to school with your ex.
3. You live with your ex.
If any of these apply to you, you cannot use the rules of no contact. You have to use what’s called the limited contact rule or limited contact in order to start healing from a break up. Limited contact is a lot more difficult than no contact, because you have to see your ex from time to time.
If you cannot use no contact, limited contact is the option you should take. Visit the link to learn more about using limited contact with your ex.
The Guilt Trip
Some try to take the “guilt trip” route, and it has never worked for anyone I know who’ve tried using it. You cannot make your ex feel guilty enough to want to come back to you. The only thing this will do is completely write you off as a manipulative loser. She or he will probably deem it best not to have you in their life whatsoever if you want to try to guilt them.
What are some ways to guilt your ex back? Saying things like:
1. I did so much for you and this how you repay me?
2. I loved you so much. I can’t believe you’re doing this to me!
3. You’re the only one for me. No one will love you like I do!
Yes, no contact keeps you from saying these things, and if you’ve already said them, the tactic will stop you from further digging yourself into a ditch with your ex girlfriend or boyfriend. How is this?
You can’t say stupid things to someone if you’re no longer in contact with them, right? Exactly.
Look, in terms of emotions, you’re ex owes you nothing, and you owe your ex nothing. If she borrowed money or your car or anything of substantial value that’s a different story. However, emotionally, you two owe nothing to each other after a break up.
Take a step back and re-think if you believe your ex owes you their love. People choose to share themselves with one another. Too many enter relationships with a “transactional” frame of mind. Oh, I have to buy you flowers, dinner, diamond ring, etc, and you owe me your love and affection.
This is crazy, and if that’s how your relationship started, you may need to change your mindset about love and relationships. Never try to buy or guilt someone into loving you.
Needed Space And Time Away
You’re going to need space away from your ex girlfriend or boyfriend if you ever hope to heal and begin to move on. Yes, I said move on. How does moving on help you to get an ex back, you ask? Isn’t that counter-intuitive?
I’m going to tell you from experience. There is nothing more unattractive than someone continually pining about the same bitterness. This could mean an ex, it could mean not having any luck, or it could mean how much a job sucks. If you’re still stuck in the bitterness of the break up, your ex will surely never want you back.
Remember when you first met your ex. I’m betting you put your best foot forward. I’m betting you were probably at your best. Of course you were. You did attract them after all, right?
You see, shortly after a break up, you wont be at your best. Actually, you’ll be a wreck. You’ll be in denial and then you’ll hit the depression stage. This stage will bring you to your lowest, but you’ll need to bounce back.
Using the no contact rule with an ex and not seeing your ex can help you recover quicker than if you stayed in your ex’s life. That’s if you absorb and believe the information I’m sharing with you. I truly hope you do.
Recovering from the break up, getting yourself together, and being a better you is the only way to really re-attract your ex if you two reconnect again. I will explain why in the next section.
Don’t Let Depresion Get Out of Hand
It’s very easy to let depression get out of hand when you finally accept the break up and start grieving. I want you to watch out for clues that will help circumvent your low emotional state. Don’t worry, I’ll explain these clues.
During this stage your ego will be in the gutter. It’s natural when you’re grieving a loss of a romantic relationship with someone you truly love. You’ll feel all sorts of emotions, no doubt. You may even feel like a loser. Your mind may start beating you down with such thoughts as:
1. I’ll never find anyone like her again.
2. I’m nothing without her/him.
3. I can’t live without him/her.
If you’re mind is indeed telling you these things, I want you to know that these thoughts are all LIES! All these thoughts do is strip you of your power and hand it over to your ex. These thoughts beat you down and give you no self-worth or value what’s so ever.
Nobody wants someone who doesn’t think they’re valuable. It’s not attractive, and this way of thinking actually repels people. This is another example of how the no contact rule with an ex works. You need the time to get back your power and self confidence. You need the space to get your head on straight and your emotions back to a good place.
Every time you feel or hear yourself saying negative thoughts about you, I want you to quickly replace that negative thought with a positive one. I don’t care how small of a positive thought it is. It could be your gorgeous smile or that you have wonderful friends or family. Anything positive about yourself and your life.
Be wary of these negative thoughts you tell yourself. They creep out of nowhere a lot. You’ll have to catch them, but once you get the hang of it, you’ll be able to dispel these negative thoughts until thinking positively about yourself becomes natural again.
The Pedestal Syndrome
During the depression stage, you may feel a strong urge to put your ex on a pedestal. This means you dehumanize them and think of them as some goddess or god. You may only remember the positive attributes about them while dispelling the negatives.
Look, your ex is not perfect. They are human beings just like you. They make mistakes and have bad habits. When you put someone so much more above you, what you’re actually doing is lowering your value in your eyes and in their eyes. Don’t do this. It only makes you feel worse.
The best thing to do is to get your mind off of them and concentrate on your positive aspects during the no contact rule after a breakup. Kick your ex off that pedestal you may have put them on.
Your life and happiness does not hinge on them. Your life and happiness hinges on you.
The rules to no contact will show you ways to get your mind off your ex while helping you to heal, but that’s all it does is show you the way. It’s up to you to travel the path. Many people refuse this advice and end up completely miserable when things don’t pan out the way they expected.
Like I said in the beginning: You need to let go, and not hold onto something that isn’t there. Even if you want them back, the reality is that option is not there yet. The reality is that the relationship is over. Even if it’s for the time being or forever. It doesn’t matter.
Too many are focused on how the no contact rule can bring back their ex. They wonder if the no contact rule really works in making an ex miss them or whether this period should be 30 days no contact or 60 days no contact or what’s the no contact rule success rate?
These questions still cot you in the frame of mind where you are giving your ex the power over you. What matters is if the no contact period gets you back to a positive place emotionally and spiritually.
In conclusion to the Psychology Behind The Rules To No Contact
Within this lens, you should have gotten an inkling of just why the no contact rule after a break up is important. Not in just getting your ex back, but in healing and recovering from a break up.
If your break up is recent, your ex probably has negative feelings towards you. That’s no big deal. What matters is if you can have positive feelings about yourself again. Once you’re able to do this, you’ll be able to radiate positive vibes again. This is important if you meet up with your ex again.
With a complete get your ex back strategy, you’ll know exactly how to achieve this, and you’ll realize that getting an ex back is a process. Not just a single magic tactic.
Once you get a complete strategy such as the Mike Fiore Text Your Ex Back system, you’ll realize how much of a process it is to get your ex back.
Nevertheless, your ex seeing you in a positive light is important if you two should ever meet again. If you don’t use no contact properly, like so many don’t, you’ll only remind your ex why they broke up with you by still being caught up in the negative emotions of the break up.
In an article on my blog, I give you an overview of the steps needed to take during no contact to help you get your mind off your ex and prepare you for the big reunion. Click the link below to learn the rules of no contact after a breakup.
More Articles About How To Get Your Ex Back:
Discover when and why you should use the limited contact rule with an ex instead of the no contact rule shortly after a break up. Read this article to learn more about limited contact.
Ever hear of the no contact rule? Discover why the rules of no contact is important when it concerns your ex and your break up. If you don’t know about the no contact rule with an ex, you can be making deadly mistakes that may hinder a possible reunion.
For those who think the no contact rule is just simply having no communication with your ex, it’s important to understand that the no contact rule is a lot more complex than you think. Believe it!